What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 10:52
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I said to her
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ive learnt so much.
What is the rudest/meanest thing a family member has said to you?
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What are the best self-care practices to improve mental health?
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Put me off passion for life!!
How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How did the Nazis figure out whether a person or community is 'Aryan' or not?
One cannot live in the past .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Boulder County resident exposed Flatiron Flyer passengers to measles - The Denver Post
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I'm British and feel ashamed of the crimes of British colonialism. What should I do?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I have no regrets .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My life is so biszare .
Where can I get sure fixed matches on Instagram?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why do narcissists keep calling on the phone after years of separation?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I always feel very tired after I do some exercises, even after a night's sleep. What's the problem?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
My family never makes their pension either.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Comes on , in middle age.
But, we were locked up after school.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
She wouldn,t have been !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Especially a lifetime of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was in good health!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He knew the spot.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were not on the streets..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So, i spoilt her more .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it wasn’t much.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im still living with it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It was going to be , some day.
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..